Never Have I Ever
by AlexHamato
Summary: Leo and Don play a drinking game. Chaos ensues.


_I had to write this after seeing an episode of Lost where Kate and Sawyer were playing this game. I figured, hey, Leo and Don don't really hang out much when I write them. That and they seem more withdrawn and secretive than the others, so it may seem interesting to explore how they really tick. I saw this as a really cool one-shot to write and enjoyed so immensely. Hence, the length. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it. On another note, I'd like to give a shout out to Sushi Shea Shogun for helping me write this. It really benefited me!  
_

* * *

Layers upon layers of dust covered the creaking attic. The entire structure of the barn seemed to tilt to the side too much, as if the years of weathering is about ready to take it all down in one fell swoop. Leonardo didn't know how often Casey's grandparents worked on the farm, but apparently it wasn't enough. The dust made his nose itch and it burned his eyes to hold back a sneeze. He didn't want to set all of the fine granules into the air to suffocate him and his brother.

"We should be able to find some interesting memorabilia here," Don said, "It will be just like American Pickers. Maybe I can find a rifle that was once worn by Ulysses Grant. I'll sell it on eBay and buy myself a new motherboard. Or maybe some more C-4."

"No more explosives! I thought we already had this discussion." His brother didn't seem to care about the dust because he simply picked up any old, wooden crates and tossed them around like a kid going through his presents on Christmas Day. "Be careful, Don! Some of those items may be very fragile. Especially with how old this place is."

"Older than the early 1920's, I can say that for sure." Don grinned as he pulled out a crate of jars that carried a clear liquid inside them. "And this isn't all. I also found a case of chicken eyeglasses. Those were patented in 1903, but I can't remember the name of the man who did so. It was to prevent chickens from eating each other. Supposedly the rose tinted color of the glasses disguised the color of blood."

"Maybe we can make up a pair for Raph. Than he can stop going to those stupid cage fights."

"I don't see that conversation ending well. He would probably hit you," Don laughed.

"If he could," he gave a rare smirk and took the crate of jars from his brother, "What is this, then? Water?"

"Moonshine. The Prohibition Act lasted until the early nineteen-thirties. Instead of people actually obeying the law, the production of illegal alcohol skyrocketed. Although honestly, I don't see how the government actually thought that they could put a lid on alcohol consumption. It's like trying to take comic books away from Mike, or Bushido away from you."

"Or beer away from Raph?" Leo looked around to spot a weathered, wool sheet and threw it over the crate. "Maybe we can use this to disinfect wounds."

"That's far too practical, I propose that we play a little drinking game." His brother swiped off the sheet and grabbed a jar with a crooked smile, "Ever heard of a game by the name of 'Never Have I Ever'? It's quite fun, I would assume. Raph never lets me join with him Casey and that No-Thumbed fellow. He says I talk too much about stupid facts." Don barked out a single laugh, "Which only shows his own lack of judgment, since it's impossible for facts to be stupid. Because they're simply facts and don't have any form of intelligence. They're an idea. He didn't understand, though."

"Of course not," Leo said. "How do you play, anyways?" He would investigate about Raph drinking with friends outside of the clan later. It wasn't like him to inquire about activities that are deemed unwise to his father. Or to anybody.

"Simple. I say something which I have never done. If you have done that, you take a drink. If you haven't, I take the drink." Don grabbed a jar for himself, and one for him.

Leo swallowed, almost nervous, as he twisted the cap off to smell the liquid inside. It was strong. Easily could be used to disinfect wounds. Almost a waste of materials, really.

"I'm sure somebody as righteous as you has the capabilities to have a little fun now and again, right? It's not as if we will judge you harshly on acting more along your own age," Don reasoned.

"I'm not righteous. I just keep my nose clean."

"Righteous stick-in-the-mud lacking such a self-indulgent life that even a bottom-feeding clam would pity you."

His brother was such an asshole, sometimes. He had a life! It was just composed mainly of exercise, meditation, reading, more exercise, and chores. Or hovering around his family as they went about with their little lives. Even Splinter had his soap operas. He only had his lone bonsai tree. Leo crossed his arms with a sharp look and said, "Insulting me isn't going to make me want to join in this game, Don. It'll only make me want to kick your ass."

"It's not an insult if it's a blatantly obvious fact, however." Don rise a single finger with a crinkle in his eyes. "And this you know to be true, even though you deny it. Your life sucks, to put it modestly. This is because you refuse to let yourself enjoy life, for whatever anserine reason."

Leonardo's eyes narrowed as his brain attempted to wrap around what the hell anserine meant. Vocabulary was never his strong point, no matter how long he studied at it. He didn't want to appear weak in front of his brother, since he had a front as leader to uphold. Leo squared his shoulders and said, "Fine. I will only join because I will prove to you that I do not have the reasoning of a goose."

"I was leaning more towards the meaning of silly, but that works as well." His brother grinned and Leonardo refrained from punching him. Don always seemed to win whenever he began throwing out complicated reasoning with words he didn't quite understand. As much as Leo fought to excel in every aspect of his life, to do well enough to lead his brothers – he never could match he's brother's wittiness. He supposed that high IQ had to count for something.

"I'll begin, then." Leo raised his jar and said, "Never have I ever stored five gigabytes of pornography on a computer."

Don raised an eyeridge and took a drink. "Is that a bitter resentment, I hear? And it wasn't for arousal. It was simply to study the mating rituals of humans. The more you know about them, the more you are able to understand how they work. Besides, the very idea of Deep Throat was preposterous for the fact that it's biologically impossible."

"Don't tell me about it. What I do remember is Sailor Moon cosplay. Was that part of studying how people work? Because I've never seen April wear anything like that." At least, Leo hoped not. He never played around in April's underwear drawer like Mikey always did. Of course, his obnoxious brother played with anything that wasn't his. Especially panties.

"You'd be surprised, Leo." Another wide grin that made Leo internally cringe. Maybe this wasn't the best brother to be playing a game that required asking questions to learn more about the other. Interrogation was always Don's area, not his. "Never have I ever sung, 'I'm Holding Out for a Hero' in the shower. It wasn't bad in terms of vocal technique, but you are far from a Bonnie Tyler."

Leo sighed with disdain and took a drink. He coughed at the strength of the drink as it burned down his throat, making his breath sting. "I," another gag, "I thought Mike admitted to that."

"And he just magically developed an invisible foot fungus that allowed him to sit out of training for two weeks? I hardly doubt that." Don crouched down and fell back on his rump, careful not to spill the liquor. He leaned his back and motioned for him to join.

Leo stood his ground, attempting to keep as much dignity as he could muster. He thought for sure they would fall for the ploy. Obviously Mikey was the one who always sang in the shower, not him. Not that he would ever care to admit it. Stupid game.

Don's amusement was making his teeth grind in frustration. Wasn't alcohol supposed to be a depressant? It just made him more and more irritated at that smug smirk plastered across his brother's face. It won't be easy, but he'll catch the manipulative genius off-guard somehow.

"My turn," Leo said. "Never have I ever drank anti-freeze."

Don rested an elbow on a raised knee, tilting to head to give him a calculating look and said, "You'll have to drink to that, Leo. That was Raph, not me. I didn't realize we were going to start getting into sensitive territory, here."

He took a drink and his teeth tingled from the effects. "It was obviously vomit, it was blue, and it was in your lab. You wouldn't admit to anything, so I assumed it was you. I couldn't understand why else you would be so secretive about it."

"And am going to continue being secretive about it," Don eyed him critically, "So I would recommend not pursuing this topic. If you truly want to know, I'd ask Raph. But you won't like what he has to say about it."

Sighing as his stomach turned and shifted, he settled down next to his brother and said, "I guess I walked into that one. I'll definitely have to clear that up with him. He did know it was anti-freeze, right? Not some sugary, fruit drink?"

"He knew," Don said with a twitch in his hands, "but this is supposed to be a fun drinking game, right? Usually college students play this to discover the prowess of their friends in a sexual manner." Don nudged him with an elbow and continued, "Never have I ever taken a piss while sitting."

"Toilet humor, eh?" He gave a small smile and took a drink, spluttering at the potency. "Is your teeth supposed to go numb? I can't imagine that being normal. Let's just say for that instance, I was very tired and really _really_ did not expect my body to know how to stand properly. I probably would have missed the bowl if I tried to stand."

His voice was beginning to sound really loud, in his head. Leo gave an experimental wave of his hand in front of his eyes, hating how he couldn't seem to focus on it. How Raph fought with a buzz, he would never understand. It wasn't as if he couldn't hold his liquor, because Leo was skilled at holding off against mind-altering drugs that his enemies may inflict him with. This did not seem to be the same case with moonshine almost a century old.

"Ah," he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wooden beam behind him to try to think. It was like his brain was all fuzzy. "Never have I ever danced in the rain."

His brother took a drink and said, "You're not supposed to just say whatever sounds poetic or cheesy. It's about strategy." Don was looking a bit misty-eyed himself.

"You still took a drink," he could feel his face split into what probably looked like a foolish grin, "So I win. Ha."

"That I did. It was to that classic song with Gene Kelly. Figured that if the man can dance with a fever of one-hundred-four, then I could get myself out. It was Mikey's idea, really. After the entire issue with Bishop and the second mutation, I didn't want to leave the confines of my lab." Don shrugged. "It was different and impractical, sure. But occasionally it is very rewarding to simply do some random act for pure self-indulgence. I suppose you wouldn't know about that, would you?"

"No."

His brother tapped his finger against the edge of the jar and said, "Never have I ever understood people. I don't mean just categorizing their behavior patterns. Honestly, I simply don't understand them at times and it can be quite frustrating. Like I think on some other wavelength. It sounds absurd, I know."

Leo laughed and clicked his jar against Dons, taking a long gulp from his. He was starting to get used to the harsh kick of the liquor. "Let's both drink to that one, brother. People are so out there that there is no point trying to understand them. They're just," he hiccuped, "People. That's it."

His brother smiled wider and took a drink from his own and said, "Never have I ever gone to college. I could easily take online courses and use some false identity and credentials to join, but I don't."

"Drink up, Donnie. I never even made it past advanced algebra," Leo laughed and took another drink, "You would be good at school, but I wouldn't. I just don't have the time." He shifted so that he could sling an arm over his brother's shoulder and lift up the jar with his other arm, as if he was talking to the heavens themselves. "Never have I ever loved a woman. Or a man. I thought I did, but then she stabbed me."

The room was shifting in and out of focus, but he didn't feel frustrated anymore. Just goofy. Maybe this was what Mike thought like all the time. Just a buzzing loudness in his ears that sounded overly obnoxious. He was underwater, only instead of a river, it was a jar of moonshine. No wonder Raph always kept his own still close to the lair. Leo could easily confiscate that and use it for himself, but he wouldn't, because he was the leader. He was the good one. The perfect son and brother. The golden boy. Or green and blue for him, he supposed.

Don guzzled a few drinks of his own, leaning more against the beam behind them with his legs sprawled out across the wooden floor. "I may have at one time loved a woman, I don't remember much about her, except that she was an alien from another universe. And that, my brother, is why I wish I was insane. Because nobody should ever have to say that. But I do, because I am a mockery of science itself! At least, according to humans."

"You," Leo balked at his brother and brought the jar forward to mash it against his chest, "You actually loved someone? I didn't know you knew how. Like, it would be too impractical or something. Woops. I spilled booze on you, sorry." Leo laughed again. It seemed easier to laugh, now. And be an idiot. It was almost fun, if that was the right word for it.

"I think it was more of a fascination, obsession, or even adoration. She gave me her _hair_, man. Jhanna is also a warrior of royalty who dominates other galaxies. Do you know how big a galaxy is? Like the Milky Way is over one-hundred-_thousand_ light years in diameter. And she's like, totally making that her pad, you know? It's inspiring and epic. She would know secrets to the universe that I can only fathom because Google is too damn limited in what it knows. Maybe I can get April to subscribe to National Geographic for me. Then I don't have to filter through all the bullshit people put on the web."

"Never have I ever," Leo interrupted himself when he took a drink and asked, "Wait, was this your turn or my turn?"

"I don't remember." His brother blinked and laughed, spilling more of the moonshine on them as he accidentally tilted his wrist. Leo didn't notice how weedy his brother's voice sounded. Especially when he laughed, which he didn't do often. "I'll go, though. Let's see, ah – never have I ever bothered to do anything with myself. There's no point in it. I'll be assassinated before I succeed at anything, like creating my own fungal species."

"It's okay, Donnie," he fell against his brother in a mockery of a hug, "I'll assassinate anybody before they assassinate you. That's my job, you know. I'm the leader so I kill people before they kill you. All I'm good for is cutting people up. I don't have a real hobby like you guys." Leo's face was squished against his brother's bony shoulder as he continued, "You have your cars and porn and blowing up stuff, but what do I have? You guys. You guys are my hobby. Even Raph has a life, and he's supposed to be the black sheep. The rebel. The outcast or whatever. I like sheep."

"You're just being ridiculous now," Don slurred, "Obviously you have a hobby. You keep Mikey from joining the circus and peeing in public fountains." Again, his brother laughed at him.

His brother was so mean to him. Leo drained his jar and said, "Never have I ever killed a woman! Or at least, I don't think so. I never look under the Foot masks. So I'm not sure."

He watched his brother drain his own drink as well, dropping it to the floor and watching as it rolled across the wooden planks. "I know I have. I can tell because of the width of the pelvic and femur bones. It's hard to tell by their chest cavity because they probably wrap themselves, but they're there." Don reached across him to grasp another jar, fumbling with the lid. "Not that it matters, really. Man or women, there really is no difference other than chromosomes and genitalia."

"You Don, are a sexist bastard." Leo hiccuped and swatted the hand away from the stash. "No more booze. One jar is enough. But, let me say this!" Shifting to his knees, he gripped the beam behind them and attempted to stand to his feet. "Women are supposed to be protected! That is what us as men are for. We are to be the heads of our clans and lead them along the right path. That is what a man is! It's a true romance!"

Leo managed to get on shaky legs, pushing the palm of his hand down on Don's face to keep balance as he further proclaimed, "I will die alone and as a virgin. No woman will ever love me! And if she did, it wouldn't matter, because I have to always put you guys first. You all are my reputed wife. We're all married because some weird, genetic isolation. And ooze. Lots of green ooze."

"No, no. We have to make an official contract to verify the marriage," Don spoke through the hand, "And I don't believe New York support common law marriage anyways. Or polygamy. You have to choose one of us in a monogamous relationship."

With his hands spread far apart from his sides as a bird opening it's wings, Leo took a step forward. Then another. The entire world spun about and Leo wasn't sure which way he should put his foot down, until he heard the shatter of glass. Then his foot stung. Did he step on a wasp?

"Never," he reached down to grab another jar and ignored the red splashes along the other jars where his foot impaled itself, "Never have I wanted to lead. I suck at it. I try so hard to keep everybody happy and it doesn't work. Raph hates himself, you're a sociopath or whatever, and Mikey is just really weird. Where did I go wrong? Father will never lay in peace if he knows that this clan is doomed for failure as soon as he passes away." Leo accidentally dropped the jar as he attempted to open it, and then bent down to grab another, "I should just give you all away but I can't, because you're my people."

One of his people stumbled to his feet as well, looking more sure of himself as he plucked the jar out of his hand and opened it. Taking a swig, Don said, "Raph is right. Which I hate to admit, but he is. We are all assholes destined to rot in the ground. So if you suck at being a leader, or I suck at whatever it is I do, it doesn't matter. We're all going to die and be forgotten anyways. It's all moot."

Leo laughed as he was handed the jar and took a drink himself. "Mikey can't die, Don. Didn't you know? He'll probably just make Death so annoyed that he'll be sent right back. There's no way that guy can die. He's just too happy. Only miserable people die."

Whatever his brother did say after that was drowned out by his vision whitening as his head suddenly swam with a light, fuzzy feeling. It felt like he was bleeding out. Looking down again at his foot in the crate, he noticed that there was an awful lot more blood than there was moonshine. That couldn't be normal. "Hey Don," he slurred with sudden nausea, "What's the – what's that? There isn't supposed to be that much, is there?"

"Nope." His brother dropped the jar and it shattered across their feet. "Holy shit, Leo. I think that you severed your Arcuate artery. Which, for an artery, you should totally be dead by now but I think the alcohol concentrated all of the blood to your brain, so your feet and hands lose circulation."

"That's nice," Leo caught himself on his brother's shoulder as he fell forward, "Shouldn't you do some stitching or something? Maybe wrap it?"

Don picked him up bridal style and stumbled over the broken shards of glass. He didn't seem to notice them, from what Leo could tell. His eyes were twitching, like he was trying to focus on something, but couldn't quite get it. He thought it was pretty funny and laughed. "I propose that you're the new leader, Donnie. You seemed to do well enough when I ran away to Mexico. I mean, Central America. Damn, even Raph is getting me to say it wrong. Oh, and now I can say fuck now. If somebody makes me mad I don't have to reason with them, I can just tell them to fuck off. Isn't that nice? I find it relieving and therapeutic."

"Ah, damn. I can't think straight." He was carried to the hatch where the drop down ladder was, and Don froze right before it. "Fuck it. I don't have time to try to think this out. Just hold on."

"Raph?" Leo's eyes narrowed at the purple mask. "You don't look like Raph. He's uglier."

His brother didn't answer because he seemed really preoccupied with shifting him around like a giant sack of flour. Or potatoes. Leo's stomach lurched as he was swung around upside down with his brother's arm, gripped around his torso. The floor was getting spinning below him as they moved downward. The creak of the wooden ladder made his head throb, along with all of the blood moving to his skull. Black dots filled his vision and he tried to fight back to urge to vomit. His teeth were still numb from the alcohol. This was definitely a bad idea, now that he thought about it.

"This should keep the blood focused on your head, I think. I don't know. I'm really making this shit up because I'm not a fucking doctor. Everybody thinks I can fix everything, but you know what? Google only tells me so much. Nothing like a brother dying to really sober a person up."

"You sound mad, Don. Are you mad?" He was so tingly, he didn't even know if he head was attached anymore, or not. "Because you sound mad."

"I am not mad at you, I am mad at this situation! And why am I even explaining this to you? You have so much blood loss and combining that with the alcohol asphyxiating your brain, there is no way you will remember or understand what I am telling you."

Leo smiled, "That's nice."

Then the floor turned into the ceiling and his head stopped spinning, for a moment. At least the dull throbbing was finally gone. Leo watched his brother put up his foot on a big crate, not quite gauging what the situation was. They were still in the barn, he deduced. Next to Don's giant armored van thing. Mikey gave it some kind of cornball name like the Battleshell, or something. He thought it was cool, not like he'd ever admit to it. They couldn't take him seriously if he said anything weird.

Then his brother ran off again. He seemed to be running around a lot, throwing crates and cardboard boxes around a lot. He even jumped in the back of the giant van and came back out with this man purse. Or was it a duffel bag? Raph would call it a man purse.

"Never have I ever slept in April's bed. It seemed informal, you know? Like it was rude." Leo watched with fogged eyes as his brother pulled out a mountain of bandages, clear string, and a tiny needle. "First thing I do when we get back is sleeping in her bed. Mikey said it smelled like shampoo and was warm. She has lots of blankets and pillows. It'll be like in Dad's room, only with a mom. Isn't that funny? We can't have kids. I know it."

"This would be a good time to stop talking, Leo. Focus on breathing," Don snapped as he started sewing up his foot. Leo thought that he was always good with sewing. Had really steady hands.

"I am breathing, Don. You have to breathe to talk, you know." Closing his eyes and breathing through his nose, he managed to clear a bit of that fuzziness away. Now his foot was really beginning to burn. "Never have I ever not thought about you guys. It's like every time I think one of you pops into my head. What would Raph do. What would Mike say. What would Don think. What would Splinter expect. I had to get away from that, Don. That's why I went to Africa."

"Central America," Don corrected. "You left for Central America. Which I can't really say I blame you for, really. The others seemed to have taken it to heart more than I did."

Leo opened his eyes but his brother was focused only on wrapping up his foot. He was a good brother. "You should be leader now."

"You said that already. I already told you that I refuse." Don tied off the top of his foot and stood to his feet, suddenly dropping to one knee with his head hanging in the palm of his hand. "Damn it. For all the instances to become intoxicated, it had to be now."

"Just leave it to fate," Leo said with a philosophical nod.

"Fuck fate. If I left it to that, you'd be blind, Mikey wouldn't have his left arm, and Raph would be missing an eye. Instead we killed of the Shredder and you know what? No more tyrannical Utrom brain controlling the entire world."

"That's - "

"Say nice again and I'm going to kick your ass, Leo." His brother moaned and fell back to lean his head against the van's front. "My metabolism is already filtering out the alcohol. You know it's a poison, right? Your body rejects it naturally."

"Okay," Leo said. It was getting really hard to hear his brother, now. His ears were stuffed with cotton swaps and his chest was starting to really tighten up. He couldn't feel his left arm, anymore. He tried to tell Don this, that maybe something was wrong, but he couldn't get the words out. Throat was closed. If only he could move more than simply raising his right arm upwards; reaching for him.

"You said yourself that alcohol consumption is stupid. I am now well educated in this fact by means of first-hand experience. I understand."

That's not it. He needed to say something. Why wasn't his chest moving? It was as if a great weight was pressing down on him. Choking him. He couldn't even hear his heart throbbing in his head, anymore. There was only that sharp, burning pang in his chest.

"What? I'm not going to accept the role as leader. Ever. There is a practical and reasonable explanation to the decision that father made to choose you. You obviously have no qualm with giving orders or making quick decisions, unlike me. I suppose this is where I would say that I never have ever thought of myself as a suitable candidate for a Ninja. Even if it does have it's perks."

Edges of his vision were rimmed in black, seeping into the picture of his brother sitting idly by the van, chattering as if he didn't have a care in the world. At least it was a good moment with his brother before his time came. Although he swore that he would go out with more pride than getting completely wasting and cutting open his entire foot in a box of broken glass.

Leonardo closed his eyes and figured that fate could finally take him.

* * *

"Stupid, inconceivable, idiotic _moron_."

Another explosion in his chest. Much more painful than the first. Leonardo gasped as his now clear mind took in every screaming nerve on his body. He was on fire.

"D-Don?"

His brother stood over him with sparking wires. There was a rumbling above his head where he could hear the great engine of the Battleshell roaring in life. His mind was slow, but he could finally think again. Licking his dry, chapped lips and struggling to get his tongue to say the words he wanted; he finally asked, "Did you just jump start my heart with the car battery?"

"You are _not_ leaving me to lead that platoon of idiots. Not again. One year was enough for me. Do you know how painful it was to work as an IT Tech support just because Raph got into too much debt from gambling with his mob buddies? I swear on my nonexistent mother's soul that if you died I would go to hell just to bring you back and kick your ass. And even if this is physically impossible, I frankly do not give a shit right now."

"Ah, Don – I didn't know you were so sensitive." Leo laughed as his brother gave him a good flick on the forehead. A habit he picked up with his mainly annoyances against Mikey. "Okay, I deserved that. Won't happen again. I hereby ban any alcohol consumption from this family. Does that sound better?"

Don shrugged, "Maybe not so extreme. I would assume that a designated babysitter would be satisfactory in preventing such a stupid idea like this from happening."

"I thought an idea couldn't be stupid? Because it's just an idea," Leo teased as he sobered up. It was time to get his act together. Not that Leonardo could ever call nearly dying fun, he had to admit that learning more about his more secretive brother was a nice change.

"Being as this is the very personification of stupidity, I'll make an acceptation."

Digging around in his duffel bag again, Don pulled out a long clear tube and another thicker, hollow needle. With a sigh, his brother sat himself down with a stiffness and jabbed him in the crook of his elbow with the needle. Then he did so to himself, and the injured turtle could see the dark red blood travel from Don, to himself. That bag was a like a magicians hat, anything could be pulled out of it. If a white rabbit was randomly pulled out, he wouldn't even question it.

As soon as the blood began to seep into him, his mind began to awaken and he gathered new energy. Luckily his brother was a universal doner, according to his blood type. Life seemed pretty good right about now. Leo let himself smile and relax, daring to break the silence with, "Never have I ever thought that I'd be so thankful for you to electrocute me."

Don laughed and said, "We can both drink to that one."

He'll have to remember to bring that up with Donatello, later. It wasn't like he'd give up another chance to hang out him so casually. Even if it actually cost him his life next time.

* * *

**A/N - I have been wanting Don to jump start somebody's heart for AGES. I didn't realize I could add this until the very end, so that might be why it's kinda thrown on. It's still hilarious and epic, in my mind. Heh heh heh. **


End file.
